Ramsurvey Joke - In case of an emergency, speak only in English !!

In case of an emergency, speak only in English !!
Never say prayers in any other language!
U never know what kind of translation problem u can run into :)
An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.

When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: 'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?'
They replied "Because he kept saying,
'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!'

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Ramsurvey January Joke - Humour: Logical and Legal

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam,
goes up to his crusty old professor, who is
renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand
everything about this subject?"


Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I
wouldn't be a professor, would I?"


Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will
accept my marks as they are. If you can't give me
the correct answer, however, you'll have to give
me an "A".


Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the
question?"


Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical
but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just
can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and
changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as
agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.


The professor continues to wrack his brain over
the question all afternoon, but still can't get
the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his
brightest students and tells them he has a
really, really tough question to answer: "What is
legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and
neither logical nor legal? "


To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment) ,
all the students immediately raise their hands.


"All right" says the professor, and asks his
favourite student to answer.


"It's quite easy, sir" says the student. "You see,
you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old
woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife
has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but
not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam
but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal nor logical !!!!!!"



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Ramsurvey January Joke - LOOK AT THIS POSITIVE HUSBAND..... ..

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.


"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see a middle-aged woman. My face is all getting wrinkled, my hair is going grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."


He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

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Ramsurvey January Funny Article - Diary of a Young Wife (Tooo Funny)

Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.


Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.


Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.


Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.


Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.


Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?" Hmmm....It must be his job......... ......... ......... ......... .......

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Ramsurvey January Cartoon Joke - Loot ka naya fanda

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Ramsurvey January Joke - 1

Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator...

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak
to me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But
what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan
was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is
being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the
hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this
hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree


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Ramsurvey January Cartoon Joke - 2

Ajib Insaan ka Gazab Ilaaz 

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Ram Survey today's joke....

 TABLE FAN !!!

A man dies. In heaven he sees a large Wall full of Clocks.
He asks angel:"What are these for?"
Angel answers:
"These r Lie Clocks, every person has lie clock!
Whenever u lie on earth, clock moves."
.
.
.
The man points towards a clock n asks:
Whose clock is this?
Angel says:
its Mother Teresa's. It never moved, showing that she never told lie.
The man asks:
Where is Indian Politician's clock?
Angel replies:
That's in our office ... we use it as TABLE FAN !!!!

 

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